Screenplay for "Arthur's Dirty Little Secret"

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Screenplay for "Arthur's Dirty Little Secret"

Post by BionicBunny on Sun Apr 27, 2014 8:22 pm

In early 2001,Joe Fallon was hired back on the show as a story editor-but it was kept under wraps and he was not very involved due to a cut in pay.He did,however,in order to avenge himself,butcher the episode "Secret Secrets"(which later became the Season 10 episode "The Secret About Secrets") into "Arthur's Dirty Little Secret",along with the help of good friend Jonny Boy Doe.Although most producers initially refused to fully produce the episode,producer Cassandra Schafhausen finally caved in and allowed the episode to be completed.A drunk PBS scheduling employee accidentally scheduled the episode for December 11,2001,instead of a planned Season 2 repeat.The episode was shown,but caused a major amount of children to contract epilepsy/suffer severe seizures,and for their parents to file many lawsuits,resulting in PBS permanently pulling the episode from rotation two weeks later and the scheduling employee being fired.Both Cassandra Schafhausen and Joe Fallon were let go as well.After meeting Joe when he was ringing the bell for Salvation Army donations outside Walmart over the holidays,he was kind enough to present me with the completed screenplay for Part 1:
[[ARTHUR'S DIRTY LITTLE SECRET,PART 1]]
WRITTEN BY:JOE FALLON & JONNY BOY DOE
DIRECTED BY:GREG BAILEY
PRODUCED BY:CASSANDRA SCHAFHAUSEN
It's early morning in Elwood City,and the READ FAMILY(consisting of Arthur,D.W.,Mom,and Dad)are loading fishing gear into the station wagon.Arthur's DAD is struggling to carry a canoe.
DAD:(in a prissy slightly gay voice)OMG,it hurts my back so much!!!!!!(moan)
MOM:(Walking by in a way to make sure everyone out and about sees her hips) Oh suck it up,homo!
ARTHUR gasps.He didn't know his father was gay.
ARTHUR:Mom,Dad's gay?!!!
MOM:Of course!
ARTHUR:Then why do I exist?
MOM:He didn't start being gay until this year.
ARTHUR:(in the car,buckling up) Oh,okay.
MOM:Oh,and I forgot,Muffy is your twin.I had an affair with Ed Crosswire.
ARTHUR and D.W.(in unison):WHAAAAAT??????!!!!!
Meanwhile,at the Frensky's apartment,Francine is on the couch,thinking.
FRANCINE:(thinking)But her eyes...so beautiful.
No.I'm not a lesbo.
But I love Muffy.
I have to accept my feelings sooner or later.
Maybe I'm just bi.
Yeah,I'm bi.
Francine runs to the phone to call Muffy.She hesitates.
FRANCINE:Better make sure Mom and Dad are okay with it first.
She finds Oliver in the kitchen and approaches him.
FRANCINE:Hey Dad,is it okay if I call a special someone?
OLIVER:Aw,does my little Frankie have a crush on a nice boy?
FRANCINE:No Dad,actually it's a nice girl.
Oliver's heart stops beating to this news and he drops on the floor in shock.
TO BE CONTINUED....

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Re: Screenplay for "Arthur's Dirty Little Secret"

Post by A Lotta Moms on Mon Apr 28, 2014 2:20 am

I look forward to the bee charming scene...
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Re: Screenplay for "Arthur's Dirty Little Secret"

Post by BionicBunny on Mon Apr 28, 2014 9:16 pm

Unfortunately,Joe only gave me Part 1 on hand.We'll never know what happens next...

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Re: Screenplay for "Arthur's Dirty Little Secret"

Post by Kerry9Story on Tue Apr 29, 2014 1:38 pm

ok so i dont see this in Season 10 anywhere. i bet your talk bout the one where the girls sleep over for like a week cause Muffy gets ruined by dust an then they bitch over the phone cause francine lives in a dump?
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Re: Screenplay for "Arthur's Dirty Little Secret"

Post by BionicBunny on Tue Apr 29, 2014 3:53 pm

This is a Season 6 episode,not Season 10.

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Re: Screenplay for "Arthur's Dirty Little Secret"

Post by Nope on Tue Apr 29, 2014 9:24 pm

I used some Magic Glue and uncovered a sheet highlighting cues for the remainder of the episode. I found it in the Elwood Dump, under what appeared to be a rusted bus carcass. I can't transcribe it word for word, but in a nutshell:

1. Francine's family divides itself into a rift - Oliver is unsure about Francine's relationship with Muffy, but LaVerne thinks it's just fine.
It ends with a huge family fight - think "Battle of Britain" but with pillow cushions.

2. Arthur uncovers dark secrets about the Crosswires and his dad. He goes mad from the revelations, going on a city-wide rampage. Half the cast is obliterated from a showdown at the Elwood Sausage Factory.

3. Following his rampage, Arthur manages to stroll around the world in 80 minutes, hiked Mt. Everest, swims in a volcano, and defeats the giant clam - all out of rage.

4. Muffy and Francine are a committed couple - for 15 minutes. Muffy breaks up with Francine because Francine can't spell Caviar, and finds the prospect of bathing in soap water disgusting.

It's too bad the episode won't happen. Ol' Toolbox had quite the plan, didn't he?  alien

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Re: Screenplay for "Arthur's Dirty Little Secret"

Post by BionicBunny on Tue Apr 29, 2014 9:46 pm

Thanks for finding this! Unfortunately,Joe Fallon's life has only gone downhill from there.Now he has to drive preschool school buses,he can't even get a gig with the Salvation Army anymore.

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Re: Screenplay for "Arthur's Dirty Little Secret"

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