Les Bunnehrables - THE NOVEL!

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Les Bunnehrables - THE NOVEL!

Post by Jekyll Jekyll Hyde on Wed Oct 25, 2017 2:41 am

Inspired by my recent post whilst playing a happy game (and forgetting about life's many problems in the process), here is the epic of Elwood, the cream of Crown City, LES BUNNEHRABLES!

Volume 1: Muffine
Book 1: A Just Hat
1. The Hat of Bud Compson (describes how Bud Compson's hat earned its bishopric from revealing the bare nakedness of Bud Compson's head, who was subsequently sent to the galleys)
2. Bud Compson's Hat Becomes Bishop BCH (describes how Bud Compson's hat worked to reveal the evil of the upstanding citizens in his Louisiana bishopric)
3. A Hard Bishopric for a Headstrong Hat (describes the pilgrimages of Bud Compson's hat to Crown City)
4. Bishop BCH Visits the Slums (Bud Compson's hat visits the Slums of Elwood, where he converts a band of upstanding citizens into village idiots)
5. In the Light of Chuck Morris (Bud Compson's hat encounters a depressed vagabond named Mr. Morris, who he encourages to reveal the internal awesomeness of. Mr. Morris then reveals his first name to be Chuck and his incomprehensible powers)
6. Who Guarded the Rack for Him (A lengthy description of the coat rack Bud Compson's hat resides on, complete with a paragraph on the apricots he keeps within himself)
7. Craquack (Bud Compson's hat ventures into the hills to convert a band of brigand waterfowl into colourful musical folk, thus creating the Love Ducks)
8. Apricots After Drinking (Bud Compson's hat preaches to a drunken, lost nun known as Jane Read on the importance of apricots and their redemptive juiciness)
9. The Hat as Depicted by the Sludge (A pile of fudgy brown sludge describes the work of Bud Compson's hat admirably before vowing to someday perform a noble deed for the service of the plot)
10. The Hat in the Presence of an Unknown Head (Bud Compson's hat visits a pregnant Horsemaster in a cave, whom he encourages to return to her home in the slums)
11. A Restriction (Five pages describing how the people of the bishopric pray to Bud Compson's hat)
12. The Lone Headgear (describing how Bud Compson's hat chose solitude over the immense popularity he enjoyed from his bishopric)
13. What He Believed (describing the beliefs of Bud Compson's hat)
14. What He Thought (describing the mighty thoughts of an honourable hat)
Book 2: The Tough Customer
1. The Evening of a Day of Hitchhiking (Bink Valbink, a weary and temperamental convict, searches for a place to sleep. When he does not find anywhere to lodge, he twists a nearby citizen into a pretzel before being directed towards the rack of Bud Compson's hat)
2. Anger Counselled to Wisdom (Bink Valbink meets Bud Compson's hat. Awesomeness, as usual for Bud Compson's hat, ensues)
3. The Heroism of Passive Re-Twistance (Bink Valbink, in his uncontrollable anger, twists Bud Compson's hat into a pretzel, but the revered headgear is resistant to this power)
4. Details Concerning the Rabid Dog Factories of Elwood City (Bud Compson's hat warns Bink Valbink of the Rabid Dog factories in Elwood City via lengthy but awesome description)
5. Tranquility (After being unable to come to terms with his freedom from the Lakewood Galleys, Bink Valbink sits in solitude and listens to the cries of a crazy Russian coyote outside)
6. Bink Valbink (Dismissing the inalienable powers of apricots despite the efforts of Bud Compson's hat (as bananas were his idea), Bink Valbink heads to his temporary bed, where he reconsiders his life)
7. To Bink or Not to Bink (Whilst internally reconsidering himself in his dreams, Bink Valbink recollects meeting Bud Compson in the Lakewood Galleys and realizes where Bud Compson's hat began)
8. The Initial Conception (A weird metaphor comparing the revered apricots to bananas (which were Bink Valbink's idea first) that has literally everything to do with the rest of the novel)
9. Not Held Back (Bink Valbink recollects his freedom from the Lakewood Galleys before he realizes what sin he must next commit)
10. The Fruit of All Evils (Bink Valbink awakens and steals the redemptive juicy apricots from within Bishop BCH, due to their contrast with the bananas he believes firmly in)
11. Secrets and Pahs (Another weird comparison between apricots and rhubarb pah that cannot be skipped)
12. The Last Temptation of Bud Compson's Hat (When Bishop BCH awakens, he discovers his apricots are absent and Bink Valbink gone, but denies that Bink Valbink has committed any crimes and frees the convict from the local police force (mostly consisting of random celebrities))
13. Little Nadine (Having been granted ownership of the sacred apricots by Bud Compson's hat, Bink Valbink heads towards Crown City, but out of compulsiveness robs an imaginary friend, causing him to feel great guilt)
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